I sincerely hope that Szawronski and Tillman got their shit together and decided to become genuine "family men"...or what was it all for??? I can live the rest of my life in here in peace if I know that both of them at least tried to make a difference in their kids lives...2 for the price of one...I can live with that.
Kirk Fronze Szawronski and Isaac Tillman are two names you'll recognize if you're familiar with my Federal Criminal Case...the same one that netted me this ridiculous 213 year sentence. Once upon a time these two guys were friends of mine...or so I thought...until we got caught. We spent time with eachother's families and promised to always be there for one another...especially for the kids. They each had a little one at home and I occassionally had to remind them of their familial obligations when they'd been out running the streets for too long. I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was when I learned that they were both working with the Feds...the story was that they were simply doing it for their "kids sake" and never mind the "get out of jail free card" tucked into each of their back pockets.All these years later I'm neither mad nor bitter at either of those men...but I do think of them occassionally and wonder how thier kids turned out. They should both be at least 10 years old by now and I recall that being a very pivotal point in my life. I had just relocated from Racine, WI to Marlton, NJ with my Mom and the kids in my 4th grade class weren't exactly "welcoming" to the new kid with the funny accent. It was a tough year with my teachers since I was constantly being reprimanded for talking in class...and eventually I was kicked out of our 1 day a week art class with Mrs. Lieb who prophesied that I would end up in prison one day...What the hell could she have possibly seen in a 10 year old child who was struggling to fit in that would make her say such a thing? These are the things that come to mind when I remember my youth.
I sincerely hope that Szawronski and Tillman got their shit together and decided to become genuine "family men"...or what was it all for??? I can live the rest of my life in here in peace if I know that both of them at least tried to make a difference in their kids lives...2 for the price of one...I can live with that.
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Every day I wake up and I'm thankful just to be alive. I know that this isn't "normal" for most people but I haven't exactly lived a "normal life" for a very long time. In fact I've always felt the need to press nearly everything in my life to the absolute limit...and this includes people. For so many years I took for granted all the love and support showered on me by my family and close friends. Only after many years in here with the time and opportunity to "honestly" reflect on the path I'd chosen did I come to the startling realization that I had it pretty damn good...in fact I always did. The only person responsible for my self-destruction was in fact ME. Accepting responsiblity for the events of my life leading upto this point brought about an epiphany...If I was responsible for my past then I was also obviously responsible for determining my future. I know that some people may disagree with me when I say this but I don't believe in "fate" or "divine influence/intervention"...I believe that we set our own "intentions" and then self-fullfill them. If we begin our day with positve intentions and decide that today is going to be a great day then that is the course we've set and chosen for ourselves... No one chooses these things for us and the circumstances that we encounter throughout are day can be dealt with in whatever manner we choose. Be the maker and decider of your own destiny...take the actions that are necessary to fullfill your dreams and attain happiness NOW.
This isn't just some watered-down, feel-good b.s. that I'm advocating half-heartedly. I live it because I believe it and I believe it because I've seen the results first hand. I was unhappy for most of my life only because "I" lacked faith in myself...Ironically, I'm much happier now here in prison than I think I ever was out there. My next step is simply finding a way to eventually make it back out there to be with all of you...and everyday I make sure I'm taking the necessary "action" to get me one step closer to attaining that goal. Have a great day today and everyday! Much Health, Love, & Happiness To All Of You....A |
AuthorI'm definitely NOT just your average guy that's doin' time...According to the Federal Bureau Of Prisons I still owe them a couple more centuries before they'll let me outta here. Despite my current predicament I've decided to fully embrace the immortal words of my man, the O.G. of Cool, Mr. James Dean who said to "Dream as if you'll live forever and live as if you'll die today". I may be stuck physically here in prison but I sure as hell ain't dead yet...in fact I figure that I'm still about 60 to 70 years away from my final day but that won't make me change the way I'm living today. This blog is my window out into the world and while I'm looking out you may just catch a glimpse inside mine. Let me know if you like what you see... and if you don't, feel free to disagree and let me know what's really on your mind.
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February 2016
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